Being on this blog makes me feel like a woman in love. I’d missed it. I should apologize for disappearing but I won’t. I just can’t write when I’m not in the mood…yet. I won’t be doing any service to you writing from my head rather than my heart. It really is a love letter to you and to myself. I put pictures and music in most of my posts to serenade you to get into the mood. I want you to get lost in your feelings when you read my posts as I do when I write them. I want you to forget where you are as you stroll into the visuals of the creativity in my head and paint your picture parallel to mine. It is really some kind of courtship…its about seduction and stimulation. I intentionally stepped up my sexy game when I decided I was publishing my book First Thirty and that I would use this blog to feel it out and see if I could really put my thoughts “out there”. Mental “seduction” is my chosen style and I feel most comfortable with this stance. Its become like second nature to me. I guess its always been, but iv never really felt completely comfortable stepping into that before. But now I feel completely enveloped by it. I feel free… so the seductive expression is really an expression of the freedom I feel when I write because its defiant, its sexy, its powerful, its daring…its me. Its a space where I’m daring to let you be you and let yourself sink your teeth into thoughts, ideas and issues that you would otherwise bury deep in your subconscious. Its a place free of judgment, shame and guilt… just like seduction is not shy of showing vulnerability in nakedness but is rather accepting, feels powerful…feels desired and beautiful…it feels proud. All I’m saying is, I’m reaching out to the most authentic, innate, “unclothed” part of you and maybe allow you to step into that shadow more.
So this is the time of the year we start drafting our resolutions. For those who have been to my house, I would always have a chart and pieces of paper stuck on the wall in my bedroom with mostly things I was supposed to achieve but wouldn’t achieve that year or ever lol. Two years ago I just ripped my chart apart. I was exhausted and sick of it. I really didn’t know if I really wanted half the stuff that was there. It always felt so military like and very robotic. I was writing a bunch of stuff I thought I needed to achieve to feel like my life would be a “success”. I had to figure out what I was really trying to achieve with my militant goals and try to face the lion head on instead of running from it and creating “noble” distractions. A lot of the times when we write goals, we do it to appease our guilt of failed expectations and to create a false sense of hope for a more fulfilling outcome. Expectations of ourselves in the eyes of what is expected from us by society. Part of it is fear of accepting that life cannot be predicted so writing down a path gives us a sense of control over our own lives. We don’t do it from a place of absolute desire to create the life we have written down because its really not what we want.
Whatever the reasons and intentions, sooner or later those goals come to haunt us each time we are reminded we haven’t achieved them. Then we perpetuate the feeling of failure which leads to more failure and disappointment. The truth is when I ripped my chart I felt lost because in as much as I decided to follow my heart and intuition, my heart pointed in a direction that could only be carved by my unique and truest desires that I knew not many would understand. These goals would not necessarily be existing ones achieved by another with a clear blueprint on how to achieve those goals and understood by many because it would be tried and tested. These desires would leave me lonely if I ever had to pursue them. It was a path least traveled. It was my path embedded in my soul and like a fingerprint, it was unique, not a purpose shared. This really is our greatest fear. Carving our own path and having the courage to see it through. So if you have goals you keep setting yet keep failing to achieve year after year, then you too may have to rip your chart apart…dare to be honest and dare to really write down those desires that scare you and make you sick in the pit of your stomach at the thought of failing at them, then dare to face them anyway. Dare to be lonely in your vision until it materializes for everyone else to see it.
Dare to live the life you truly want to live knowing this is the only chance you have got.
3 thoughts on “Dare to…”
Love it…i will try this
I actually relate to the endless downward spiral that comes from not pursuing our goals. It’s our conscience’s way of telling us that we need to buck up, which isn’t a bad thing at all. Now I actually use that pain as a guide, because if I’m not feeling good at the end of the day, then I must be doing something wrong. Great message here. Thanks for sharing!
So true. Pain really is a part of our internal compass