Bare Chapter 9-10

Bare…

Chapter 9 …

Mercy

I made a promise to myself. I promised I’d let all my walls fall…bit by bit…brick by brick. I promised myself that I’d be as vulnerable and as naive as I was before I became numb, always smiling as if everything is ok and “strong”…and I promised I’d let it show as much as I possibly could. I had been killing myself slowly with all this numbness and “strength” that did not allow me to breakdown…or be angry..or just be me…the numbness that protected me from the pain but disconnected me from my soul…The day I realized that alone was letting me live while “dying” I decided I’m better off exposed. I now work towards undoing all my beliefs of the perfection I thought was required of me…I work on it daily…I work on it religiously and consciously now…I am courageously facing me with no inner make-up or plastic surgery.. I’m working towards imperfection, because perfection is a societal conception and a standard which “commonizes” our individuality.. many of us can strive for it but lose our uniqueness in the process. Being unique equals “imperfection” coz it’s not like any other.. uniqueness is what we have to bring to the world coz no one else could do it now or in a million years exactly like you do it….I’m slowly remembering myself. I remember me when I was younger…who believed in the very best of people…the me with less stress in my eyes….the carefree spirit that I was born to be. When I’d climb trees and sit on top of roofs…I remember that feeling of freedom….freedom to be me… I see her and she’s every moment nearer…she’s nearer when I breathe slowly…taking in every beautiful breath in gratitude…I see her when I accept me and my vulnerability and when I spread out my arms in prayer..with no hesitation in my offering…my now daily prayer “use me and mould me….I accept…I hear You now clearly…I choose mercy…I choose me as you made me to be..” ….yes I acknowledge that the world is full of all sorts cruelty..all kinds of people…many of those who have broken my heart a million times…yet when we look at the “cruel” world, we forget the many of times when we have been the one to hurt others. Imagine how we passionately understand “our story” and how the “enemy” in that breath is soooo wrong…how about we flip it and realize this “enemy” feels exactly the same way we do…in their own way…You cannot fight darkness…any sort of darkness with more darkness…only with light….unfortunately most of this light is seen as weakness..Most of us are forced to “self” medicate our pain but only mercy and seeing ourselves in each other…our similarities….mercy I think is right where healing…deep healing lies. Forgive everyday…everyday…because anything else is just adding to this madness coz remember we are each other’s mirrors…we all are doing the best we can and this statement is true no matter which context you put it in…no matter how “bad” someone can be…choose mercy and dare to be you…every single day and your life will be worthwhile…

bare-soul

Bare….

  Chapter 10: Simple things

So I’d been itching to run since morning but it was raining almost all day. I made a bet with Mark T T Muzariri that I’d run more miles than him this month but I’d missed 2 days of running while he slayed an easy 30kms plus in 2 days…talk about insane!!!! So I had to catch up. I couldnt afford another day wasted. Finally it seemed to have stopped so I quickly put on my running gear before the rain could come back again. But even before I’d run 100m, it started to pour. I realized even if I ran back home I’d be so wet so I decided to continue as far as I could just so I could squeeze in a run. But oh my goodness was I in for a surprise. I completely loved running in the rain !!!!I ran about 7kms while it rained. Can you imagine running in the shower while listening to Prince…the most beautiful girl in the world…Thobela…Kofi Olomide, The greatest Sia..Break every chain….etc. I ran past a bunch of teenage boys who cheered for me and screamed “Heyiiiii” as I ran by…I totally felt like superman combined with ninja turtle power on the red carpet…slaying!!!! I imagined watching myself running in slow mo in the rain as I passed by a shopping center full of people hidding away from this wonderful phenomenon. I’m sure if some could catch up with me, they would have wanted to have what I’d smoked to run in pouring rain like that. I denied some good samaritans the opportunity to earn brownie points in heaven as I chose to continue in the thunder and down pour than get a ride home….the music was fantastic!!! The rain felt good on my skin…I felt sexy too…. until I got home and realized I looked more like a wet road runner than a sexy siren conquering the rain…lol…I’m sure I had the most stupid looking grin on my face while I ran. I sometimes broke into a crazy dance move when I thought the road was clear of people. I met a few concerned souls hidding away in their umbrellas and some who looked a bit scared ….of me lol…I ran those beautiful 7kms with sometimes one of my eyes stuck in a half wink and the other eye as the sacrificial soldier as it watched for cars and dead lizards in the road. The ishwas came hitting my face and some almost making it into my mouth. I guess those who were watching saw a crazy woman but I felt fabulous I tell you!!!! This was definitely the best run ever!!! I completed my run with a bodyroll to Set it off I suggest oh set it off on the left oh set it off…come on now set it off (this song will for sure tell u ndakura lol. I doubt any teenager knows that song). Now let’s hope my phone survives all that water coz the pictures I took are sooo hazy..I dare u to have ur very own walk or run in the rain and please do share with me your experience…#simplymagic!!!

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